Aliens Monitoring Our Nukes

While We’re Busy Playing Castle Age

It’s probably already too late. We had our chance, but now we’re hosed. While you were busy on Facebook creating holy plate armor for your dark elf army, you may have missed out on a little piece of information.

Aliens can now turn off our nukes.

Having nukes is actually a very handy thing if you are being harassed by technologically superior visitors from outside the solar system. This may not matter to you. But it matters very much to them. Intelligent beings all over space don’t like being nuked. They don’t even like the threat of being nuked. So having lots of nukes available was probably one of the best things we could have done if we wanted to avoid all the hassles that generally come with the arrival of nosey alien visitors.

Not anymore. Consider this recent headline:

“Aliens are Monitoring our Nukes, Worry Ex-Air Force Officers”

The upshot of all this, basically, is that aliens can turn off our nukes whenever they want to. Now, the three per cent of you not currently playing a social game on Facebook may want to ask a question. And that question would be, “Why would they want to have the ability to turn of our nukes?”

Possible responses to this question may be significant. To those with a military mindset, this is an obvious duh: The Easiest Conquered are Those Who Cannot Fight Back.

But other possible explanations abound. Some recent explanations sampled from the datasphere:

This act was the result of time travelers from Earth’s distant future who are concerned we will mess up their timeline by nuking everything, including their direct ancestors.

Our own R&D produced these results. It was probably us. The Air Force is always the last to know.

Static electric discharge. (see fig. below)

Greys want to keep equilibrium in the galaxy. They want to make sure they can shut down our nukes just like they have done with all the other intelligent Milky Way civilizations. They know we keep making our nukes bigger, better, and more accurate. Maintaining their general hold on the galaxy requires them to be able to shut down everyone’s atomic weapons.

The nukes were turned off, yes, but not by aliens. Rather, they were turned off by angels. There has never and will never be anything living that arrives from space but angels, because angels are all around us all the time and often in disguise. Angels protect us and help us to be our better selves. READ KING JAMES gen 3:20 AND FORGET ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK THEY SAW. (Submitter's favorite comment, by the way.)

And finally there is, like, this tiny, tiny chance that aliens are here monitoring our nukes to keep us from using them on ourselves. Believing this involves also believing in a number of assumptions, the foremost of these being something called The Life is Rare Scenario.

The Life is Rare Scenario posits that life exists in the universe, but only in a very few places. Since life is so rare, the few intelligent races that exist work very hard to preserve it. (Of course, this is yet another assumption.)

If these assumptions work for you, than it isn’t much a stretch to also imagine otherworldly visitors floating around up there in a kindly, observing way, muttering and nodding to themselves benignly, “No, no, of course we won’t let those moronic upright apes glass their planet.”

On the other hand, it isn’t much of a stretch to image a group of aliens hanging out up there debating something very different, for instance whether or not they ought to just exterminate the moronic upright apes – to the benefit of all the other living species on the planet.

I leave you with a couple of entirely unverified and uncorroborated comments to ponder:

“I was in the Strategic Air Command during the 1970's and believe me, there were many incidents with UFOs that were covered up by SAC and the Air Force. SAC was deathly afraid of any UFO incident and they were completely aware of the nature of these craft.”

“I'm actually kind of pissed that this is being covered by a news source that absolutely cannot be taken seriously -- because this event actually did happen, as stated. My dad worked on said minutemen and corroborated the story to me when I inquired about the veracity of the 1967 Malmstrom AFB incident.

In fact, the Malmstrom AFB incident was the ONLY UFO related story my dad ever took seriously because he himself witnessed a lot of top brass with their panties all knotted up over this incident.”